I knew I loved you
by xLadyPendragon
Summary: Nick Carter, Zoe Umbra. Zoe Umbra, Nick Carter. Two names, two lives, but one bond. A strong, deep, passionate and forbidden love. Canon, OC and rated M for lemons. Enjoy.
1. Let the past drift away with water Pt 1

_**I knew I loved you**_

_**Featuring Nick Carter and Zoe Orlinda Umbra **_

_Chapter I:__ Let the past drift away with water_

_(Part I)_

**Nick Carter's Pov**

I had a life before _her, _before the love of my life, the woman that changed my world, the girl I couldn't live without, the girl that changed me, that made me who I _really_ am. It was my life without the woman that brought a meaning to my world and the word _love_. Well, it was my life before my true happiness.

I guess I should say I was living a kind of happy and empty life. I had family and friends who loved me. It was empty because I haven't met _her_. It was ordinary because I was doing what everyone does. It was also the one of a star. I was a member of one of the most amazing boy bands in the world, the _Backstreet Boys_ and I still am one.

So, I was born on January 28, 1980 in Jamestown, New York to Robert and Jane Carter. A few years after my birth, we moved to Apollo beach, Florida. As a child, I appeared in several television commercials. My main interest was music and my mom encouraged this by paying for my singing and dance lessons.

I have seven siblings. Bobbie Jean, Leslie, Angel and Aaron (these two are twins) Carter. I also have a half-sister Virginia, a half-brother and step-sister Kanden and Taelyn. My parents finalized their divorce at the end of March 2004. My dad married Ginger Elrod on April 1st, giving me and my siblings a stepmother and a stepsister. I don't know what I'd do without my family. Of course sometimes we fought, just like every siblings, but we got along well together most of the time. Sometimes, my dad was blaming me for some reasons. He was like ''It's Nick's fault this, it's Nick's fault that...'' ugh... It was annoying. I didn't really like it.

Of course I went to school. I had to.

Cousins Kevin Richardson and Brian Littrell, both came from Lexington, Kentucky, first began to sing in local church choirs and festivals when they were children. As for Howard (Howie) Dorough, Alexander James (AJ) McLean and I, we already had a strong background in show business (musicals, commercials, bit parts in movies or on TV). We ended up sympathizing. We then decided to form a trio. That's when Lou Pearlman heard about us, already inspired by the success of New Kids on the Block, and proposed us to sign his new label. He helped us to complete the group. Through friends, we discover Kevin. He heard AJ, Howie and I sing acapella. Soon, we all four started to search for a fifth member. That's when Kevin proposed his cousin Brian. We needed a name for our band. We chose ''Backstreet'' named after a famous flea market and ''Boys'' like great American bands. So the band was ''Backstreet Boys.''.

On April 20, 1993, the group was born, making it our anniversary date. We recorded two albums, ''Backstreet Boys'' and ''Backstreet's back''. We also went on tour and we were really popular. Even though we were, we didn't let it change who we were deep down inside. We continued to live a normal life. During all these years, I've been watched by this girl Zoe Umbra. She was following me everywhere I went. I never got to meet her until one night when I was on the ''Millennium'' tour. The Millennium album was the third one the band recorded. I never thought that someone was watching me like _that_. I never had a feeling she was doing that. Really, I never did.

So that night, she and Emma, her sister and best friend, came to meet me. I was with my girlfriend, this time.

''Hello, Nick...'' Zoe said shyly.

''Hello.'' I replied, offering her a smile.

My girlfriend was holding me close to her, thinking that mysterious girl would have stolen me away from her. That night we sort of secretly, without me knowing, created a strong bond. When my current girlfriend wasn't looking, which was rare because she was watching every Zoe's moves, I peeked a look at her, checking her out a bit. Suddenly, my girlfriend noticed that and growled. I looked at my girl, giving her a 'What the fuck'' look. When I turned to look back at Zoe, she was running away, crying.


	2. Let the past drift away with water Pt 2

**I knew I loved you**

Nick Carter and Zoe Orlinda Umbra 

**Chapter 1:** _Let the Past drift away with water_

_Part 2_

**Zoe Umbra's pov**

There he is. I found him, same star like aura, same blond hair, though way longer than it is now, shining in the light without the need for hair products. Those blue eyes, piercing blue watching everyone brave enough to walk up and greet him. People more confident in themselves than I am. I've known of him since I was 15, now I'm nineteen, that's four years of loving him and two years watching him so closely people would consider me a stalker. No that's not it, stalkers harm their victim, I'm protecting him, more so then those so called bodyguards. Four years, its so fast and so slow when your watching what you want and what you can't have in one sitting.

He turns his head to look at me and I slip away. This is how it goes he doesn't see me no matter how much I want him to. Today is his big day… again. It's the premiere of his Millennium album. I've been here a few times. Now you must be wondering how and its very simple, I time travel, that what I've been doing the last two years, a vampire with two abilities, one which I mention a second ago and one I'll mention later.

Wow, I sound formal. That doesn't work for me. Let me explain my past. I was, for lack of a better word, a mistake. I was never supposed to happen. See when it comes to money the more you have the more powerful you are. My father believed he was god because he lived on the right street in New York. My mom fell for him thinking one day he'd leave his wife and take her away from the world filled with hotel rooms and secret meetings. When I came into the picture she realized that nothing was going to change, so she left the state with my two older siblings Ash and Thea Smith.

Other than that my life was normal, went to school, had one friend. Though when I was fourteen I found the school's abandoned while looking through the blue prints for a school project. At 15, I found out about this boys voice and suddenly his face was all over the walls of my heaven on earth. That also where I broke my first bone. A guy who lusted after my body thought he had a shot with me because I crushed on someone out of my reach. We rolled and tumbled fighting for what we wanted from the other; for him my body, for me him out of my safety zone. I fell through the tile that one the guy left open and broke my arm in two places. The guy ran away before he could be caught.

At 16, I finally got to see him in person… Well, he was on stage but still it has to count for something right? The lights, the moves. Oh my god those moves, I just wanted to jump on stage and- OK maybe it's more like I wanted to jump him. That same his ex leaked a sex video that ruined his reputation and as much as I wanted to kill her, I had morals. So, I went with option two; I ruined her house, replaced her forty five dollar shampoo with one dollar throw up coloured hair dye, shaved that demon dog of hers, and completely fucked up her car. I watched the next morning as she sat questioning her and her gross hair. Luckily, her ex was on tour out of the country, so he was off the suspect list, so they chalked it up to one of his fans and left it alone.

Then 17 came, and I got to go backstage. I was going to finally meet him with Emma at my side. That was before the girl on his arm burst my bubble. You know those moment when you look at another girl and you can see who she's with, why she's with them and how far she'll go to stake her claim? That was this girl and she scared me with how passionate he was for this relationship.

I couldn't stay not knowing where it would go with them, that I could never get my shot with him so, I knelt down and wrote out my first song, placed it on his mirror and walked out not looking back so I could hide my tears.

That's the year I was changed, became a vampire... I didn't have control the issues that normal newborns have.

So, after that I was free to follow him. My Nick, anywhere, anytime, whether or not he's alone or at a party, awake or asleep, I was in control. I noticed things with this time. Like before Paris, he was social, he smiled and laughed. He was the most carefree person I've ever heard of. Just like how he is now, he's not closed of or embarrassed. His eyes aren't hard or suspicious, of course I watch him in the now as well. Its bitter sweet though watching him as he is now over how he was because the difference in age is physical proof of how silly my crush on him was.

Ah oh he saw me, I run past him and out the door running towards the park before jumping back to the present. I take a deep breath and open my eyes.

"How was your date Zo?"

"Em you don't even know how much I wish that statement were true."

I sit up on the bed and change into something else picking out what to wear for my next trip.. maybe I'll see what he's up to now. I'm curious.


	3. A reason to live Pt 1

**I knew I loved you**

_Nick Carter and Zoe Orlinda Umbra _

**Chapter 2:**_ A reason to live_

_**Nick Carter, Nashville, TN, USA**_

There comes a time in everybody's life to be loved. Well, I've been loved for 15 years without knowing who the girl was. I loved so many girls, but some of them were using me. Most of the time, they were dating me because of _what _I was and not because of _who _I was. It was annoying and pissing me off. I came to the point of wondering if there actually was someone out there for me. Zoe _did _love me for _who_ I was, but I didn't know she did.

I found myself sitting at my desk, near my laptop, writing music and thinking about that girl I met at the premiere of _Millennium_. It was late and I needed to get some sleep. I straightened my papers and shut off the laptop. I locked everything that needed to be locked and forgot to set the alarm. I went to my bedroom and laid down on my bed, pulling the covers over me. It took a while to finally drift into sleep. I couldn't get that girl out of my mind, I just couldn't.

I could have sworn I've heard some noises. I didn't pay attention, though. I thought it was the wind.

Suddenly, I felt a presence in my room, a pressure on my bed. This time, I got scared. It could have been someone, a stalker, a murderer. Seriously, I was scared. Then, I felt a soft breeze on my lips, a soft and fresh breath. Like if someone wanted to _steal_ a kiss from me. Now, I was really but fuckingreally scared. Shortly after, the breeze disappeared.

As soon as the sun broke through my window, I woke up, got dressed and went downstairs. I saw the shadow of someone, it looked like a woman. Who could it be?

I narrowed my eyes and slightly frowned my eyebrows. I slowly and quietly walked over to the shadow. Surely Zoe heard me, she was a vampire. I arrived behind her, put my hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face me. Then suddenly, I saw _her_. I saw that mysterious girl from the premiere of _Millennium_. I could have sworn my heart skipped a heartbeat. _She _was there, _she _was in front of _me_, _she_ was in _my_ house and _we _were alone.

I felt my breathing quickening as our lips were inches away another. I walked over to the phone and cleared my throat.

''Who are you and what are you doing here?'' I asked finally, my eyes capturing her words, her name. I sighed.

''If you don't tell me, I'll have to call the police.'' I added.

''I was checking the place to see what needed to happen to secure your safety'' She replied.

She turned her eyes hard, blocking me from her emotions.

I frowned my eyebrows, walking to the security pad, seeing that it was enabled.

''... How?'' I turned back to her.

''You forgot to enable it, that's the problem. I might add, it's scary to find out how unaware you are of your own safety.'' She said, walking over to grab her leather jacket.

Then, I remembered. I forgot to enable the security alarm.

It was strange, but I could feel there was _something _special between us. Like if we had a connection. I didn't know why, but I had that feeling.

''Oh? Why were you in my room?'' I stepped in front of her and she stepped back.

''What was the point in that?''

''There wasn't one, really.'' she slipped on the jacket, pulled out her phone to check the nonexistent messages, walking to the door.

''Oh, you wanted a picture for the press?'' I said.

I was wary and disappointed. Yes I was. A lot of people want pictures for the press.

She turned on her heel and moved to go toe to toe with me. I looked in her eyes and then, I felt warmth through me. It was strange and, strangely, I liked the feeling. Actually, I wanted to get _closer_ to her.

''Are you accusing me of trying to take way something as personal as sleeping and stick on the internet for the world to see? Are you insane?''

''A lot of personal things have been taken away from me because of who I am.'' I said, sadly.

She poked me in the chest. ''Do. Not. Compare me to that slut!''

I could tell she was mad just by the tone of her voice.

''Guess what, Nick. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Some people love you, purely, truly do.'' she added and took a step back, composing herself.

I was guilty, stupid parents of mine. Nick did this, Nick why'd you do that, Nick this is your fault.

She rubbed her arm and said:

''Please don't let her take it away.''

''Take what away?'' I tilted my head, confused.

''The light in your eyes, your heart. She forced you to build this wall around yourself because you think you're keeping yourself from getting hurt again, and maybe you are, but, you're also keeping yourself from feeling joy, love and any other good emotions that connect you to another person. It's not healthy; you shouldn't be looking over your shoulder constantly. That's not living at all.'' She said, looking up at me in concern.

I stepped closer to her, leaning closer to her height.

''So you think that I should love someone?'' I looked at her with an indescribable expression.

''Yeah. I mean you can't be loved without loving someone.'' She locked her eyes with mine.

When I met her eyes, I didn't want to look away. No, I _couldn't _look away. Like if I was dazed.

I leaned in a bit closer, third time a charm.

''I suppose that's true'' I nodded.

Suddenly, her phone went off. She jumped out of her skin as I jumped back. She grabbed her phone and held it to her ear as Emma started panicking. I heard her friend.

She hung up, walked to the door and turned back to me. ''Good day, Nick, I'll see you around.''

''Good bye.'' I whispered, my voice sad. Of course, I didn't want her to leave.

She put a hand on the doorway on her way and looked at me. I returned her gaze. Then, she walked off and disappeared into the sunlight.

**¤ Two weeks later ¤ **

"The song writer Zoe Umbra has just written a song for Taylor Swift and it's called Sparks Fly."

That was her name! She was named Zoe Umbra. I smiled, I liked her name. Then, the song came on the radio.

'' _The way you move is like a full on rainstorm_

_And I'm a house of cards_

_You're the kinda reckless that should send me running_

_But I kinda know I won't get far_

_And you stood there in front of me just_

_Close enough to touch_

_Close enough to hope you couldn't see_

_What I was thinking of_

_Drop everything now_

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Get me with those blue eyes, baby_

_As the lights go down_

_Something that'll haunt me when you're not around_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_My mind forgets to remind me_

_You're a bad idea_

_You touch me once and it's really something_

_You find I'm even better than you_

_Imagined I would be_

_I'm on my guard for the rest of the world_

_But with you I know it's no good_

_And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would_

_Drop everything now_

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Get me with those blue eyes, baby_

_As the lights go down_

_Something that'll haunt me when you're not around_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_I run my fingers through your hair_

_And watch the lights go out_

_Just keep on keeping your eyes on me_

_It's just strong enough to make you feel right_

_Lead me up the staircase_

_Won't you whisper soft and slow_

_I'm captivated by you baby_

_Like a firework show_

_Drop everything now_

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Get me with those blue eyes, baby_

_As the lights go down_

_Something that'll haunt me when you're not around_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Sparks fly, baby smile, sparks fly''_

I smiled. She wrote wonderful lyrics...

That afternoon, I was sitting at my desk again, writing music. I wrote a song about _her. _

''_Floors so cold, four walls and a mattress (mmm)_

_I'm closing my eyes, I see you standing in that black dress_

_I'm only guilty of loving you_

_Keep me locked in a prison if I can't have you_

_And the rest of my life will be filled up with madness_

_Take these chains of love (wrap them around me)_

_Set my heart on fire_

_I'll be your prisoner (don't let me out, let me out) 3x _

_I'll be your prisoner_

_There's dripping paint on the wall, scraping your name in the plaster_

_Trying to find my way to you_

_Insight only came to me after (after, after)_

_I'm only guilty of loving you (loving you)_

_Keep me locked in a prison if I can't have you (can't have you)_

_And if they kill me escaping, it's cause I tried to get to you faster_

_Why don't you?_

_Take these chains of love (wrap them around me)_

_Set my heart on fire_

_I'll be your prisoner (don't let me out, let me out) 3x_

_I'll be your prisoner_

_Spend your life with me,_

_I don't want to be released._

_Lock me up eternally, loose the key_

_Baby please, forever's not enough for me_

_Take these chains of love (oh take them, just take them)_

_Set my heart on fire (oh yeah you know it)_

_I'll be your prisoner (I'll be your prisoner) (don't let me out, let me out)_

_I'll be your prisoner (I'll be your prisoner) (don't let me out, let me out)_

_I'll be your prisoner (don't let me out, let me out)_

_I'll be your prisoner_

_(Wanna be your, wanna be your prisoner)_

_Take these chains of love (and wrap them around me)_

_Set my heart on fire_

_I'll be your prisoner (don't let me out, let me out)_

_I'll be your prisoner (don't let me out, let me out)_

_I'll be your prisoner (don't let me out, let me out)_

_I'll be your prisoner_

I re-read the lyrics and suddenly I realized that I was _in love_ with _her._


	4. A reason to live Pt 2

A/N: OMFG I love this guy's house it's the most modest he's had in my opinion and I was highly surprised to find that it is in TN. TN of all places. I'm considering stalking him because of how easy it was to find his place (JK JK don't try to arrest me you should be more worried about my co-writer –looks at co writer before stage whispering- she's insane XD)

_It was harder to judge the inside of his house, that's what happens when you can on__ly find pics of the outside of the house –kicks house- luckily I have an awesome imagination so bare with me a little you have not seen my fingernails… I'm chewing on them freaking out that Nicky C is reading this somehow and will shoot at us…. Actually mo__re like Nick__'__s Fan base._

**I knew I loved you**

_Nick Carter & Zoe Orlinda Umbra_

**Chapter 2-**___A reason to live Part 2_

**Zoe's POV**

I dress in black jeans, combat boots and a tank top. I walk out of my bathroom, throwing my hair in a ponytail. I've never seen Nick's house before. I just never had a reason to go. I grab my cell phone and my keys, shoving them in my pockets before throwing on my black leather jacket and pop to the house. I was nervously excited to the point where I couldn't really think.

I land on the sidewalk in front of his house and looked around. Just standing, what would it be like to live here? I looked at the door and my eyes narrowed what kind of- I march to the front door and pull out a bobby pin before crouching down and picking the lock. What the- really? **(A/N: A****ctually****,**** at about this time she would be getting arrested****. S****o do not attem****pt this in real life****.****)**

I tip toe inside to see an alarm. So he just didn't enable it? I walk over to it and study it closely before typing in the code hoping Nick didn't change inside his heart like his mind and body. He hadn't, it was still the same. I set my jacket on the couch, my phone and keys still in the pockets and walk to where I could hear his heart pumping and his calm even breathing. I still for a moment listening to them making sure they were ok, that heart condition scared the crap out of me! I step inside and sit on the bed next to him.

My breathing increased and I swear my heart started beating away trying to jump out of my chest. My senses seemed to increase. I could smell he's sweet scent, see every strained of his hair, hear his every breath, taste him on my tongue, feel his lips- My eyes snap open to find myself a milometer from his lips. It seems so right as the world stills. I can't though, not while he's asleep. I won't take that, not from him I haven't earned it, I don't deserve it.

His breathing picked up. He was waking up. I run out the door and my phone rings. I hear him jump out of bed as I reach my jacket and soon he's standing behind me grabbing my shoulders. He turns me around to face him and my world freezes again as I've been placed in the same position again just inches away from me were those lips I craved. But no, not unless he wanted to. He froze as I did, though I'm not sure why. He walks over to the phone, clearing his throat.

"Who are you and why are you here?" His blue eyes captured my words, my scent, my name.

I was paralysed.

He sighs.

"I'm sorry but if you don't tell me I'll have to call the police.

I was _so _gonna tell him that I've been in all three of his houses many times before because I loved him and wanted to make sure he was safe. Note the sarcasm please. What I really did was get defensive.

"I was checking out the place, finding what was needed in order to secure your safety."

That was actually true. I turned my eyes hard, blocking him from my emotions.

Nick frowned his eyebrows walking to the security pad seeing that it was enabled.

"How…?" He turned back to me.

"You forgot to enable it, that's a problem. I might add, it's scary to find out how unaware you are for your own safety.'' I walk over and grab my leather jacket.

"Oh? Why were you in my room?" He steps in front of me and I step back. "What was the point in that?"

"There wasn't one really," I slip on the jacket and pull out my phone to check the nonexistent text messages walking to the door.

"Oh, so you wanted a picture for the press?" He looked weary and strangely disappointed.

I turn on my heel and move to go toe to toe with him.

"Are you accusing me of trying to take way something as personal as sleeping and stick on the internet for the world to see? Are you insane?"

"A lot of personal things have been taken away from me because of who I am." He looked sad.

I was too mad to care. I poked him in the chest. "Do. Not. Compare me to that slut!"

If I was human I would be red with anger.

"Guess what Nick, not everyone is out to hurt you. Some people love you, purely, truly do." I take a step back composing myself.

He looked guilty. Stupid parents of his, Nick did this, Nick why'd you do that, Nick this is your fault.

"Please don't let her take it away." I rubbed my arm.

"Take what away?" he tilts his head confused.

"The light in your eyes, your heart. She forced you to build this wall around yourself because you think you're keeping yourself from getting hurt again, and maybe you are but, you're also keeping yourself from feeling joy, love or any other good emotion that connects you to another person. It's not healthy; you shouldn't be looking over your shoulder constantly. That's not living at all." I look up at him with concern.

He steps closer to me, leaning closer to my height.

"So you think that I should love someone?" He looked at me with an expression I couldn't place.

"Yeah. I mean you can't be loved without loving someone." I lock my eyes with his and I knew I wouldn't be able to look away, his eyes looked on fire with some kind of need that I couldn't figure out, it gripped me holding me there like a pair of chains. He leaned in a bit closer, third time's a charm.

"I suppose that's true." He nodded.

Suddenly my phone goes off and I jump out of my skin as he jumps back. I grab the phone and hold it to my ear as Emma starts panicking in my ear. The first time her brothers are going on a hunt without me and it scares her.

I hang up and walk out the door turning back to him.

"Good day Nick, I'll see you around.

''Good bye.'' he whispered. His voice was sad. Of course he didn't want me to leave.

I put a hand on the doorway and looked at him. He returned my gaze. Then, I walked off and disappeared into the sunlight.

_**¤Two weeks later¤**_

"The song writer Zoe Umbra has just written a song for Taylor Swift and it's called Sparks Fly."

_The way you move is like a full on rainstorm_

_And I'm a house of cards_

_You're the kinda reckless that should send me __running_

_But i kinda know I won't get far_

_And you stood there in front of me just_

_Close enough to touch_

_Close enough to hope you couldn't see_

_What I was thinking of_

_Drop everything now_

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Get me with those blue eyes, baby_

_As the lights go down_

_Something that'll haunt me when you're not around_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_My mind forgets to remind me_

_You're a bad idea_

_You touch m__e once and it's really something_

_You find I'm even better than you_

_Imagined I would be_

_I'm on my guard for the rest of the world_

_But with you I know it's no good_

_And i could wait patiently but I really wish you would_

_Drop everything now_

_Meet me in the __pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Get me with those blue eyes, baby_

_As the lights go down_

_Something that'll haunt me when you're not around_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_I __run my fingers through your hair_

_And watch the lights go out_

_Just keep on keeping your eyes on me_

_It's just strong enough to make you feel right_

_Lead me up the staircase_

_Won't you whisper soft and slow_

_I'm captivated by you baby_

_Like a firework show_

_Drop__ everything now_

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Get me with those blue eyes, baby_

_As the lights go down_

_Something that'll haunt me when you're not around_

_'Cause I see, __sparks fly whenever you smile_

_Sparks fly, baby smile, sparks fly_

**A/N: OK the song was mostly all written by Taylor Swift and the line is Get me with those green eyes, but I had to change it so it worked into the story. Thank you guys that read this, thank you more if you reviewed and thank you Loriane for giving me this awesome opportunity to do this.**

**O****ne last thing: 4-16-367-843-76884-46-843-34845-927… review and I'll tell you what I wrote XD**


	5. Warning Pt 1

**I knew I loved you**

Nick Carter and Zoe Orlinda Umbra

_**Chapter 3:**_ _(Part 1)_

I couldn't spend a day without thinking about her, without wishing she was mine, without needing and wanting her in my life. I never felt this way before and I _liked _the feeling. What I didn't know was that she felt the same way about me. She wanted me in her life.

That morning, before waking up, I could have sworn she was there. I felt a fresh, icy and creepy breeze on my skin, like if a ghost was passing by me.

I jumped awake. I glanced around the room, looking for something or someone.

Just like everytime I woke up, she wasn't there. I sighed and shook my head.

''I'm going crazy... She's just a dream...'' I told myself out loud.

I wanted her love, so much I could almost feel it. I wanted her kisses, so much I could almost taste them. I wanted to hold her and feel her touch on my skin, so much I could almost feel it.

Every time I opened my eyes, I hoped to see her. Everytime I went somewhere, I hoped to see her there. I hoped to see her smiling; I hoped I could hear her voice once again. But none of this happened. I never saw her again. It made me think it was only a dream. A dream I couldn't wake up from.

She _wasn't _a dream. She was real. She was looking after me out there, making sure I was alright. I just didn't know it. Icouldn't be in love with her. I couldn't cherish a dream.

Why was I taking drugs and drinking? Because I wanted to forget about Zoe and also because I grew up near the bar my father owned and drunks and alcohol was always present in the family.

Seriously, I couldn't forget about her. I just couldn't. She was everywhere I went and in everything I did. She was my _everything_. She changed my world.

So, the Boys and I were giving a concert. Sadly, Big Brother Kevin wasn't with us during the Unbreakable tour. He left to pursue other interests. But, because he loved us, he agreed to watch us perform away from the hysterical fans. The fans were screaming, yelling, dancing, singing, the usual. As we performed, Kevin noticed something wrong with me. Indeed, something _was _wrong. I was having chest pain, my heart was beating too fast, I had difficulties to breathe. I thought it was because the overwork and it would pass. We ran behind the curtains to go get dressed in our dressing rooms. As I finished getting dressed, I started to feel dizzy. My head was spinning and my vision was blurry. I was scared, that never happened before. That's when I fell on the floor and passed out.

The Boys were waiting for me outside.

''What the fuck is he doing ?!'' groaned AJ.

Brian looked at him and shrugged.

''I don't know.''

My best friend sighed.

''This is weird...'' added Big Brother as he rejoined them, aka Kevin.

Howie looked at him confused.

''What is weird?'' he asked.

''He's drinking and taking drugs, we all know it. But the problem is why is he taking those shits?''

The blond guy folded his arms and looked down, thinking.

''Exactly. There's a reason why he is doing that.''

Howie and AJ sighed.

As time passed, I didn't join them.

''I'll go see him.'' said Kevin, shaking his head.

He went back inside and headed towards my room. He knocked on the door and waited. I didn't go to open him, I couldn't move. He sighed and opened the door. He saw that I was laying on the floor and rushed over to me.

''Nick! You okay?!'' he said, shaking me.

I didn't wake up, he started panicking.

''Nick! Come on, bro! You have to wake up!''

I was still motionless.

He sighed.

''No... Nick, please...''

He started checking if I was still breathing. By chance, I was.

_**Kevin's POV**_

As I was trying to wake Nick up, I saw a woman standing there, holding the white hat of my friend.

"Hi, Pumpkin._"_ she said, finally.

I jumped and turned to look at her.

"Sorry, I forget I'll wear a bell from now on." she joked.

"You're Zoe? You're the girl Nick talks about. Blue eyes like that." I said, kind of asking and kind of just saying.

She smiled and looked down at Nick.

I watched her, analyzing what's going on.

"Every time your song comes on. Well any of them." I added.

"You're good at reading people. I'm impressed." she smiled.

I smiled back.

"Being big brother helps. I bet Nick thought he could hide this from me."

"So wait, you know about his addiction?" she asked.

"Yes, Zo, I do." I chuckled.

''Who else?''

''All the band.''

"Okay. Well, I came to tell you how to pull this out of him." she told me.

"The addiction?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yup." she played with a piece of Nick's hair.

By how she acted with him, I could tell there was something. I didn't know what it was but I was sure there was something.

''How?'' I looked excited.

"Set up a doctor appointment."

''That's it?'' I said, doubtful.

"Yes, the damage will scare him." she said, kissing Nick's forehead.

Suddenly, I knew. She was _in love_ with _him_. They were _in love_.

I took out a paper.

"Hey, I'll give Nick your number." I said.

"He can't know I was here. Je veux parler, mais je ne peux pas. See you around Pumpkin." she smiled and turned around to place Nick's hat on the back of the couch.

She said something in French but I didn't really understand it. I understood only half of it.

"Have a good night."

She popped out of the room as the eyes of my friend began to open.

''Have a good night.'' I whispered, watching her.

**End of Kevin's POV**

_**Nick's POV**_

After I fell unconscious, I heard Kevin coming and trying to wake me up. Then, a little while after, I heard Zoe's voice. I wasn't sure if it was real or not, but I held onto it.

I was a young adult who started his life. I was only in the beginning of my life. I took drugs and drank and messed it up. I regret it.

As I opened my eyes, she left. I looked up at Kevin.

''It's nice to see you again, _Nicky C_.'' he said.

''Thanks, Big bro.''

''We're really scared about you. We have to leave.''

I nodded. He helped me up. We walked outside towards the other _Backstreet Boys _andwent home. As soon as I arrived at my house, I took a shower and went to bed. I was still scared of what happened. I hoped it would end.


End file.
